Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
