So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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