You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
