okay pat passed out under dana's car
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
