6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
