Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
