Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
