Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
