dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come back. Shots need mouths.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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