yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
