; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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