Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
