Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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