Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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