So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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