Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
