the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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