did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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