Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
