Apparently you make a good broom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
