shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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