Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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