I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
