he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
