some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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