What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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