What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
