pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
