I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
