First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
