Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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