he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize