I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
