Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
