you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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