Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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