I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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