this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
