I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
