At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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