Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
