Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
