i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
