He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
