i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
