He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
