All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
