it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
