Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
