that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
