can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
