I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
