WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
