I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
