im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
a search helicopter?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
