its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
