like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
