We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
