Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
