So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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