You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
