i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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