he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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