so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
one might say we're banned from that church
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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