I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
