I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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