I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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