I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize