OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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