its not stalking. its research.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
