I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
