So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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