i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
