i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
