Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
