New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
