I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
