Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This house was built for laser tag.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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