you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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