We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
